I have PMT. I take two types of tablets to stop me having PMT, but still it comes and regular as clockwork. I am currently what I can only describe as ‘the size of a house’, even after following four weeks of increased exercise and healthy eating. I’ve spent an entire evening crying because basically I was over-tired. My skin is both dry and greasy and my hives have mapped out a plan of the night sky across my entire body. It’s a good day to be me.
I have things to do today. I’m meeting a friend, have promised myself I will finally buy the new bunny I’ve visited five times at the pet shop, and I remain ever hopeful that I will be able to get myself to a yoga class. What I actually want to do is eat chocolate, lie on the sofa in my pyjamas and nap.
Is lying on the sofa with a box of cookies a bad thing? I’m not so sure that it is. Because some days, you’ve just got to get yourself through to the other side.
When our to-do lists remain untouched and the office looks like we’ve been turned over by thieves, we often say at work: ‘shall we just abandon today and start again tomorrow?’ Sometimes, no matter how much you fight it, a bad day is just going to do its thing and you have to let it. Walk away, put the kettle on, go to the post box, text your friend, whatever you need to do to change the routine you’ve been stuck in that day. And let it go.
Here’s the thing about resilience though: it takes practice and a bit of bravery too. Take a breath, remove yourself from the situation, stop worrying about it, and resign yourself that it’ll be easier to tackle with a fresh pair of eyes the next day. In these situations, you can even find yourself tackling the awful jobs that suddenly seem easier: clear out the garage, clean the oven, sort the spare room. Tasks that don’t require you to think can give you back a sense of accomplishment when you were beginning to think that nothing could be achieved and your day has been wasted.
On days like these, I knit and sew. I feel like I’ve done something and I get some order back to my mind. It’s a bit like a yoga session: complete focus to stop the whirring of thoughts and demands from everyone and everything.
Imagine your best Tree Pose. You’re all balanced neatly when the teacher asks you to start swaying your arms like branches in the wind…and your ankle starts to wobble. What do you do? Focus on the wobble, remember which bits to tighten up to stop the wobble, try that, keep wobbling and in the end resort to telling yourself that the guy stood next to you is also wobbling and quit worrying about it. We all wobble occasionally. Get over it.
I think what I’m trying to say (aside from making myself feel better for not wanting to get dressed today) is that although it doesn’t come easy, letting go when things get hard and messy is the best solution. If you’re not in the right place to tackle something that day, putting it off until later or tomorrow isn’t procrastination; it’s good planning. Accept the wobble…which today will also be my approach to feeling like the size of a house.